My elephant sized complaint for the day...

First, you should know that I've never had a good relationship with my siblings and my dad. After my parent's divorced, most everything went downhill. With my dad in particular, we've never been close and in a lot of ways he has no idea how to be a dad. So with that said, it leads me to this past Thanksgiving.

A few days before Thanksgiving, my dad sends me an email about when he and the rest of my family will be eating on Thanksgiving day and says he would like for us to come. Two things make this event significant. First, my dad never emails anyone to my knowledge, and this email was sent only to us. Second, he said he really wanted us there. This is also something he never does, he doesn't come out directly and say anything. It was both shocking and very nice to dh and I so we were trying to find a way for us to go. This year we were supposed to go to my in-laws so we tried to see if we could do both. But due to complications from the inlaws, stupid indecisiveness in my opinion, we ended up not being able to go to my dads.

Then about three days ago, I called my sister, who lives with my dad, to give her our new address. My dad answers so we chat for a minute. He goes on to tell me how much we were missed at Thanksgiving. Four things make this too, significant. First, my dad never says he misses anyone. Ever. Second, he said he watched for us for a few hours then gave up. Again, something he never does. He's one that says who ever shows up, shows up, end of story. Third, he had some food set aside for us to take home. Which was really nice and would have helped. Fourth, he said it would have been fun to see the grandkids and have them play with their cousins. This is particularly momentous. He never asks anything about my children, I'm the one to bring up the conversation.

Needless to say, after I hung up I was about in tears. I don't know why he acted the way he did or why he said the things he did or even why he said them now. But he did and it really meant a lot to me.

This all leads to today. I called my mom to check on her. I mentioned we might be coming up for Christmas because we were really missed at Thanksgiving. I made my reasons very vague as I knew my mom might not react well to it. Which turns out she didn't. Her first comment, "oh, well I always want you to come up but you always say you don't have the money." Now this is true. We've missed a baby blessing and other family functions because we don't have the money to drive. We've even missed activities with my husband's side of the family for that very reason. I should have told her that we might be having some money come through by then, but I didn't, I instead tried to change the topic. She kept on and finally I tried to explain why we were really wanting to come, because of how my dad has acted. I should have kept my mouth shut.

After that, she said something to the effect that "oh, well then you should run right over there if that man shows any type of emotion." Then followed with "I'm happy for you, have fun." Yeah right, she wasn't happy at all. I feel like crap at this point. I don't blame her for her response. The rest of my family jumps at every whim for my dad and I don't. The rest of my family doesn't do hardly anything with my mom and I always have. No, we haven't been over to see her a lot since she moved but we haven't been able to. It didn't matter that I told her of course we'd come see her and spend time with her too. I've never been up her way and not stopped.

I was really hurt by all of this. No one understands how important spending time with my dad and siblings really is. We all were never close growing up. When I was engaged, I had one brother married and one divorced. Right after I got married, not that it has anything to do with me, four of my brothers were married. Since then, they've all been doing activities together. Since they all live close, they go four wheeling, hiking, have FHE, and just regular get togethers. This NEVER happened before. Why does everyone get on my case that it's bad that I want to spend time with them? That it's bad that I always want to participate where I live the furthest away? It really makes me feel sad and hurt. I deserve the chance to finally get to know my family. With my dad, I wonder if I'll ever get his love in my lifetime. But if there's even a glimmer of hope I deserve to take it right? Some people are so mean. They just don't understand.

Pie sounds good right now. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.