CRD

Have you heard about the CRD? I'm sure most of you have. I come encounter with it every day and if I'm lucky, more than once in twenty-four hours. This makes my day truly special and we have so much fun over here when it's activated. My children are so privileged to each have one.

If you've never heard of this you should be jealous. A child-radar-detector, CRD, allows a child to detect when their parents aren't paying attention for that split second, and they reek havoc. Oh yes, this is the good stuff. The stuff you write home about and tell all your friends how proud you are. Here are some examples of the CDR in action.

Example #1 - Spouse just cleaned up one child and turns to get another paper towel. I'm feeding Baby-Baby and turn away for a split second. Eldest's CDR clicks on like an egg timer. Time slows down as she dumps her milkshake into her lap. One second passed and we see the aftermath. We now have a milkshake for a daughter, we should her Chocolita.

Example #2 - Eldest and Youngest run into my room to supposedly get books. Instead of following them, I decide to sit down for a minute. I mean they are my children, why shouldn't I trust them? Activate CDR. The house is quiet. Birds are heard squawking in the distance. After one minute I get up and go into my room. Both children have dug their fingers into the chest rub and are applying it to themselves.

Example #3 - I'm happily watching my girls play together. I go sit down at the computer and turn away for 2 seconds to refresh a web page. CDR triggered. 2 seconds pass and is followed by screaming. I turn and see Youngest with a black eye.

How did these children inherit such a thing? Why didn't the ultrasound tech pick this up before they were born? This wasn't in my contract. Is there an uninstall button? Off switch? Where's an EASY button when you need one.