November 02, 2007

With heavy heart

A few hours ago I was told that precious little Ian had passed away yesterday. My tears and heart are so heavy right now. I don't understand why he was taken so early and I will probably never know. But I, and my family, kept hoping he would beat the odds and prove to everyone that he could pull through. Everyday I read about his ups and downs and I felt like in some small way I was right along with his family, worrying, crying, and praying for him. There wasn't a day we didn't pray for him and his family. And even though a part of me knew this was a possibility, I never believed it would happen. Not to him, not to his family.

But it did happen. I am truly grateful for the knowledge and understanding I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. That makes this time a little easier. But my heart is still so weary. Living here, in their old home, makes it harder. I walk into a room and think "this is where Ian and Emily played" and "this is where Ian slept."

I can't even think straight. I have so much to do and I don't want to do any of it. I don't want to do homework and I don't even want to leave the house. Honestly, I can't remember a time in my life where I have been more sad for losing someone.

To Ian, sweet, sweet Ian. You will surly be missed. You taught us all, especially me, to never, ever give up. To keep on fighting because it's worth it. You have blessed and touched our lives just by knowing you. You're definitely a special boy, one that Heavenly Father needed by His side right now. We love you and we will never forget you.

7 comments:

Ginabear said...

Awww Michelle! I am sooo sorry! I wouldnt even worry about doing anything...just take some time. Losing someone close to you is hard! I cant even imagine living in their old home, lots of memories I imagine! Lots of prayers and hugs goin out for you my friend!

Jenn said...

Oh, Michelle

You are such a great friend, I think of all the times that you came to see if Emily could play so that I could have some good mommy time with Ian. Our time there with Ian was short, and I admit, stressful, trying to manage the things we thought were making him sick. We feel like he had such a strong will to be with our family here on earth that he chose to deal with his earthly struggle so that we could spend those few months together. I hope you can find peace in our old apartment, knowing that our family couldn't have been happier. Emily and Ian loved to smile at each other and play at our house. Ian knew the whole time what his plan was, and was grateful for each moment we had together. Thanks for the support and love you continue to give our little healing family. We love you--

Beth said...

I'm so, so sorry, Michelle. Thinking of you and Ian's family at this time.

Kate said...

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of little Ian, but I am buoyed by Jenn's testimony of this trial her family's going through.
*HUGS* and prayers for all involved . . . including all who loved and prayed for Ian.

Jen said...

I am so sorry to read this michelle. I had read about his recent complications on Kara's blog. I'm thankful you shared him and his story with us. I am also glad you are able to find some peace in the gospel. I love you! *BIG HUGS*

Rachel said...

It is so hard to loose someone so young. It takes a while to come to terms with things and feel that things will be okay.

Mama Pajama said...

I am just devastated to hear this. I have been keeping up with Ian through your blog and Kara's blog. It just breaks my heart for his family. Like you said, Ian is with the Lord now. He will be happy, healthy, and perfect. I will continue to pray for his family.